Depressed Red Headed Girl on BedI woke up.

So it was all a dream.

I saw myself walking towards an old man whose arms were wide open. The closer I got, the farther I became. I was carrying a bag full of chocolate bars, sweets, gums and biscuits and I was clenching so tightly to the bag, and it slowed me down because it was so heavy. The farther He seemed, the more tired I became. He was all dressed in white…He even had white beards…I daresay he was WHITE….

I woke up feeling heavy and empty. Looked at the time… 3:00am.

I shrugged as I got up to wash my face.
It was a big day; I was going for an audition with one of the biggest moviemakers in Nigeria. Big deal right? Of course it was a big deal for me because I had always wanted to be a movie star. Nothing wrong with a little fame here and there… Nothing wrong with a little “she’s all that” and “she’s so gifted…

“Anike are you awake?”, Mum called out quietly as she tiptoed into my room. She smiled as she saw me cleaning my face with a red towel. “You are so excited aren’t you?” We both sat on the bed and she smiled at me… lovingly.

“Yes mummy, I am.”

“I trust you’ll get the role”, mum said as she hugged me.

The best gifts God gave me were my family and my boyfriend, Kingsley. That’s how far I could see. All God did was just favor me. Boxed parents, a guy who was head over heels in love with me, and so much talent to showcase myself to my world…
I had to get out there! I had to be popular.

“Baby”, Mum called out.

I looked at her, saw something else in her hazel eyes. I couldn’t spot it…. Worry, fear, anger…what?
“Mum what’s wrong?”

“Baby, never forget, God loves you”

“Yeah right”, I replied. I knew that already. It had been ingrained softly in my brain from childhood. ‘Jesus loves me this I know…bla bla bla’

But I love you

That still voice again. It seemed to haunt me every time….

It haunted me the day I made out intensely with Kingsley. Haunted me the night I went clubbing with my Lara. It haunted me the afternoon I slapped my sister, Joke for taking my shoes. It haunted me the day I decided to pose in a bikini for a local magazine.

Always judging me…. Na wa for all these yeye head voices sha….smh

“Sleep baby, it’s a big day ahead”

I wanted to tell her about the dream, but then again…. It was just a flimsy dream wasn’t it? Like they say, dreams could be stupid… this one definitely was…didn’t make sense at all…How would I drop my kit kat for some old man? Just saying…

I slept till 7 am. I heard mum singing and dad pack up his laptop bag for work. They barely talked… They were so different… Mum loved the Lord. Dad loved the Church. Mum spent so much time with I and Joke. Dad loved brief moments of serious talk. Mum would kiss us goodnight, Dad would get home late…(just saying)… but I loved them both anyway… if say popsi no get correct bar, how I for dey flex like this? (Apologies to those who don’t understand Pidgin English, let me interpret: If dad wasn’t so rich, I wouldn’t be so fly *winks*)

Getting to the audition center by 8am, there were like a billion girls (okay, I am exaggerating). There were sha a lot of girls. I was ready to kill it. I lined up and began to day dream on how I would be on television. How my mum would be so proud of me, and how my dad would see that I was no failure, and how Kingsley would see that I was such an amazing girlfriend. How my friends would see that I was awesome… How…. You can’t begin to imagine….

4 hours down the line, it was my turn. I walked in with all the confidence. I mean, I was slim, tall, dark, intelligent and a sight for sore eyes… working out every day to keep my body in shape….i had to get this role!

“Anike, right?”

“Yes”, I replied the bald man in front of me. He looked cute, but omo he wasn’t smiling oh. There were two other guys with him…. One of them was wearing a turquoise blue shirt and glasses, and the other was in a native wear.

“So, show us what you’ve got”, the bald man said.
And that was when kasala burst.

to be continued

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Written by Oyinkansola Ige

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