shadows

I ran into dad’s office.

And well, I was surprised to see his trousers on the floor, along with his belt and his boxers.

So I guessed he was pooing… (All these rich men with restrooms like palaces)…

Until I started hearing voices in the rest room…

Seriously, I began to wonder…what the worst could be. Maybe he was cheating…again…with another woman. After two wives? But some men are shameless sha. I decided to peep in through the keyhole. But oh! Well, the keyhole was not so…holish.

So I locked the door of the office, just in case the secretary wanted to send me out. I was hell bent on seeing who dad was with. I wanted him to see that I knew he had been cheating long before I was born, and that I was finally seeing him for his real self.

The door opened…and someone rushed out giggling like a girl, with dad running after him…both naked….

They saw me and they froze. I saw them…and I wanted to die.

It was dad… and Lekan….

BREAK BREAK BREAK!

I picked my bag immediately and left the office. There was no need to say anything. If the two people I respected because of their walk with God were going through what I was going through, then I wasn’t so bad. The world had the problem, not me. I continued to wonder…how Lekan could be gay… How he could…and yet he could judge me? How dad could be bisexual and yet he would wake up every morning and call us out for devotion? I wasn’t too sure I could even talk about it….

Oh…I even forgot the snacks in his office. The office of the bisexual of all times…My dad…

“Babe, how far?” Gbemi asked as I walked in crying. She came and hugged me immediately. We stood there for five minutes crying like children.

“Whats wrong, Remi?”

“I…I don’t know anymore…” I replied. “I am confused. I am going mad…

“You found out, didn’t you?” Gbemi asked as she went to check on the baby. I wanted to scream. Was I the only one in the house who didn’t know dad was gay?

“You knew?” I asked her in anger.

“Yes, I did, and I thought you knew too”.

I began to cry again. “No, I didn’t know, how could I have known dad was gay?”

Gbemi’s facial expression changed immediately. “What?” she asked as tears welled up in her face.

“Wait …wait…”, I stammered as I began to laugh. “What were you talking about?” I asked as I looked at her in anger…again. Could it even get worse?

“Never mind, let dad get…”

“Gbemi what is it?” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “What is going on in this house?” I asked as I began to whimper and walk up and down, looking like a lost puppy.

Gbemi sat down and began to breastfeed baby. I sat down beside her as she continued to cry like a child. “I am so sad, right now…I just wish…I just wish I could turn back the hands of time….”

She stopped as mum walked in with teary eyes too. I was going to faint. Why was mum crying now? Why is everybody in this house crying?

Mum sat down and brought out some drugs from her bag. She gave one of the packs to Gbemi and held one as she cried profusely. Gbemi went and sat beside her and they hugged each other and continued to cry. Through all these, I was still more confused than they all….I just found out my boyfriend and my dad was gay…what could be worse?

I stood up and went straight into my room. I sat down and continued to cry.

“Jesus, what am I going to do right now?”

I continued to cry as I looked for my bible. I forgot it in school. Just remembered…

I continued to cry and cry as I sat on the floor. Then I remembered the words of my old friend in secondary school, Kimbo.

When life hits you hard, God will lift you up…only if you let Him…

Was I trying to struggle with lesbianism on my own? Is that why I have been more frustrated than I was before? Was I trying too hard? I had to stop…I wanted to be pure…but now I could see the truth.

That I couldn’t be pure by myself.

I couldn’t overcome sin on my own.

I couldn’t overcome lust on my own.

I couldn’t survive on my own.

My family wouldn’t move forward without God….

And I couldn’t either.

I knelt down and prayed…. I didn’t pray. I cried out.

“Lord, it’s so hard for me. The way I feel when I am with a girl I like. The way my body reacts when a guy touches me. The porn. I can’t stop on my own, Lord….and I feel so weak, Lord….”… I continued to cry. I felt so…alone. So left out.

I didn’t think God could use someone like me…to do anything. With all the make-outs I had engaged in with different guys and girls, would they even believe me if I said I was born again? I sat on the floor and just continued to mope. I couldn’t even process it anymore. What was more shocking was that I had no one to talk to…

Brother Biodun…was in school.

Mum was crying.

Gbemi was crying too.

Dad…was probably still with Lekan…

And Lekan…Arrrrghhh!

I stayed in my room throughout the day. I heard dad walk in…he wouldn’t dare come to my room. I didn’t tell mum anything, I guess mum already knew sef…

Around nine in the night, I felt the strangest need to get to the parlour. I got up and went to the parlour like a zombie. I sat on the longest cushion and put on the television where “Scandal” was showing. That Olivia Pope girl sha. I continued to stare…trust me, I wasn’t concentrating. I looked down, and I saw one of mum’s drug packets on the floor. I picked it and tried to understand what was written on it.

Anti-retroviral tablets…blab la bla.

Antiretroviral tablets!!! My head began to spin. I became…dazed and I then got why my mum was crying.

Mum had AIDS….so did Gbemi…

And I…I was …speechless.

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…to be continued (SECOND TO THE LAST EPISODE), Tue, 17th Feb.

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Episode 1 HERE

Episode 2 HERE

Episode 3 HERE

Episode 4 HERE

Episode 5 HERE

Episode 6 HERE

Episode 7 HERE

Written by Oyinkansola Ige

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finding meFrom the author of SHADOWS, read this intriguing story series titled FINDING ME, click HERE

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