Have you ever been in a situation where your purest intentions somehow backfired on you and turned you into the “bad person”? Everyone has a hard time handling being misunderstood.
Recently, I was involved in a typical situation like this. I had continuously tolerated a certain person’s action that made me really uncomfortable. I kept bearing it because I felt that it wasn’t good enough to have issues over. So I never said anything about it. Somehow, I mistakenly did the exact same thing the person had been doing to me for the longest time. Guess what? The person flared up! I apologized but the matter refused to be laid to rest and this made me feel really bad.
I had to take some time to gather myself together and these are some of the lessons I learnt:
People are not like you.
Oftentimes, we forget that we are all very different and have totally different ways of processing things. This, of course I believe has a strong link with our individual personalities. That we can broadly categorize how people would react to situations into 4 groups based on the 4 major personalities. Beyond that, we are all uniquely made by God and shaped by our cultures, family, religion and environment.
So, expecting a person to react the same way you did is quite far-fetched, even if the person is your closest friend. For me, I tend to bottle in as much as I can and take all the hits just so we can live in peace. Expecting that the other person would do that is actually a disservice to my own self. Because they won’t, and I’m the one who gets disappointed.
Keeping mind that People are not like you will always make it easier to understand and hence relate to people. Click To Tweet
When you forgive a person, you do it for yourself, not them.
People, generally won’t know how they made you feel, except you tell them, and even when you do they will never be able to fully understand the emotions they triggered.
So, forgiving them for what they did (and I mean actual, total forgiveness) is not doing them a favour because they offended you, it’s actually doing you a favour because you get to let go of those emotions that sprang up within you and would keep gnawing at you if you don’t let go of them.
Remember that we are commanded to “Bear with each other and forgive one another if anyone of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” Colossians 3:13.
So forgive, every time, even when forgiveness is not asked for or no apology is rendered. Forgive as soon as the hurt is done. So that YOU free YOURSELF.
Forgive, every time, even when forgiveness is not asked for or no apology is rendered. Forgive as soon as the hurt is done. So that YOU free YOURSELF. Click To Tweet
Jesus is the real MVP!
I think I realise this more and more every single time I get offended. Can you imagine how much Jesus came to earth to do for us? How much shame, insult and pain He took for us? But still, we just find expert ways to do such disappointing things. Thankfully, He paid the price once for all!
This is why I love Travis Greene’s song “You waited“. Christ waited for us and keeps waiting for us each and every day. Bearing this in mind makes it easier for me to focus on Who and what really matters helping me to show and extend some of the love that I have received from Christ to others especially when they are doing hurtful things to me.
Our Christianity is a journey, a continuous walk with God.
Striving hard to be like Jesus every day should be our priority and we must ensure that we “work out our salvation with fear and trembling” Philippians 2:12.
Wonder why it says “work out”? The enemy would always try to make it as though you have the right to be angry, hurt and bitter, giving you reasons to point a finger at the other person and stay mad. But, you know it’s really not about the other person, it is about you. The Amplified version describes the “fear and trembling” part as “using serious caution and self-evaluation to avoid anything that may offend God…”
So you see, we must ensure that we figure out practical ways to guard our hearts at all times especially in situations like this. The enemy uses things like this to His own advantage, before you know it you’re breeding hatred from a little issue. We must stay woke and never be ignorant of the devices of the evil one.We must stay woke and never be ignorant of the devices of the evil one. Click To Tweet
Remember, it is really not about the other person, it is about you.
“…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” Hebrews 12:1.
Cheers to working out and running!
By – Dooshima Orti
Dooshima Orti is a Christian Writer and a Medical Student, documenting life and med school experiences through stories and poems. She blogs on Medium: Medium/Dooshima Orti