If you are like me, it becomes extremely uncomfortable in a Christian meeting when it seems the pastor might make an un-becoming roll call; asking those who aren’t virgins to raise their hands.
Yeah, now you know my secret?, but before you come to a conclusion, I’m still very much confused on if I’m supposed to raise my hands or not when such call is made (definitely if I want to be truthful).
What kind of a virgin are you?
I don’t know if you have ever heard the term “front end virgins” and “back end virgins“, or maybe it’s just a term I coined. But I’m in need of a sincere clarification of when someone can boldly claim to be a virgin.
To what extent is someone permitted to go (sexually) to still be referred to as a virgin? What sexual experience draws the line between a virgin and a non-virgin?
I know my question might seem weird, but I will explain the reason soon.
Consider the following class of people;
- I have no sexual experience whatsoever
- I’ve engaged in masturbation (self-applied/admitted sex)
- I have been fingered or received a hand job.
- I have kissed/been kissed and received heavy Petting (without contact with genitals).
- Anything but penetration (vaginal/penile intercourse). Other forms of sex (anal, oral) but hymen still dey intact.
- Rape/molestation case.
Which of the above is still a virgin? Hold up before you answer.
The Christians’ emphasis on virginity in such a world so porous with sex that you can almost pick sex in the air as resulted in producing different types of virginity.
How do I mean?
The only medical definition of a virgin is someone whose hymen (the fold of skin that partly covers the entrance of the vagina) is unbroken.
If the non-virgins are asked to raise their hands, please what happens to someone who has had every form of sexual excitation, even to reaching a climax but has never had penile-vaginal intercourse? (I hope you know I’m addressing both male and female here?)
Does such a person who knows the feeling of having sex (to whatever degree) qualify as a virgin, because he has not done the ultimate act?
I remember I was in a Christian youth meeting and I had to go up the stage to show my dissatisfaction on how the topic of virginity was being treated, it was too un-real and seemingly unfair.
The Pastor Mrs went on and on, mostly judgmental about virginity. I know it’s a pretty serious case to God, judging from the severity of how it was mentioned and treated from the Old Testament to the new, but, come on, give some “non-virgins” a break; it wasn’t the fault of some.
Where do you place someone who was abused? Technically/medically, such a person isn’t a virgin, but I still believe your virginity can’t be taken from you, you have to give it. Hence, “virginity test” might just ascertain the presence or absence of the thin skin covering, but not actually discover the true virginity state.
A friend once shared the picture of a lady that produced her virginity certificate (authenticated by a doctor) to her parents on her wedding day, but I wasn’t quick to celebrate her, because I might just be celebrating mediocrity and falsehood in the name of chastity.
I bet some ladies who lost their virginity to vigorous sport or even abuse are more chaste than some individuals who haven’t eaten the forbidden fruit – but have drank it as a juice, or taken it in some other processed form, maybe food supplement ??.
*exhales*
The focus of this post isn’t to seek revenge for the virgins and non-virgins from the mere-medical virgins but to scream as high as I can that if we want to be pure and chaste, then we should be pure and chaste, and not just keep our hymen or penis from being penetrated or penetration – while we do other things and still claim that we are keeping ourselves for marriage.
When it is your wedding night, how many people will be in your bed??
Let me explain what I mean. When writing an exam, you might be the only one holding the pen and answering the questions but you are not the only one writing the paper, you have the voice of your teacher, you have the image of your tutor explaining, your siblings taking you through final drills…..all these people write the exam with you.
Now bring this to the marriage bed. Will you be alone with your married spouse or will you have with you the experiences and baggage from other previous sexual partners, even though you married as a virgin?
When the bible insisted on sex only in marriage, it was to uphold God’s design of marriage which is “two becoming one“, not four trying to become one. By four, I don’t mean four separate individuals, but one individual being more than one via sex. No wonder sex is referred to as a union.
In Christian meetings, the term “secondary virgins” has been coined to qualify those who although not virgins physically, have renounced and repented of their sinful ways.
Point to note: There is no such thing as secondary virginity, but there is such thing as purity. Even though you might not be qualified medically as a virgin, you can still be marked as pure by God’s standard.
After all, the popular verse, Matthew 5:8 never said “Blessed are the virgins, for they shall see God”, but it says “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God”.
The word virgin means the same thing as pure/virtuous, and the bible’s emphasis was never on protecting a piece of skin, but protecting our heart from contamination/impurity.
My closing word is taken from Isaiah 1:18;
Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.
I’ve had my share of struggles with mind games and sexual sin (Read: WHO SAYS SIN IS NOT ENJOYABLE), but I am a testimony that the word of God, made alive by the person of the Holy Spirit, can transform the most depraved human heart.
I believe it was worth the read, feel free to leave a comment below.
A very interesting and educating piece….i just love this one.kudos tolulope.
Thank you Abimbola 🙂 Glad you read it
Real food for thought… But I have a comment. I also saw d picture where d girl presented her certificate of virginity to her parents. While I share ur sentiment, I am proud of her because she set a goal and achieved it. She reiterated standards for a lot of us young people in a world where moving in together is considered better than marriage. I dunno if she was an actual or a technical Virgin only her, God and the other people may know that. Her post was about not giving up her ‘thing’, so someone takin it doesn’t count as losing it, I agree. If u give it up willingly u r no longer a Virgin. However, if u repent, u are made pure.
On a lighter note, these days there are surgeries that help repair the hymen…hence everyone can claim they are, and u might not be sure they Re not. God help us
This is a wonderful post. Very enlightening also.
Thanks for the feedback Ope ?
This is really good piece you put up here Tolu
Interesting, almost what I thought also. Thanks for giving a voice to this.
Nice piece, more grace.
Thanks bro! Amen!!!
Awesome post! It’s so hard to maintain a pure heart in this perverted world. Thank God we have the holy spirit
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yes! yes! Too lovely, exactly my thoughts. Glory to God! ?????❤?❤???☺?
Awww, your comment is very colourful, i like it 😉 Glory to God.
This is interesting!!! Wonderful piece. I am blessed by this. Thanks
This is lovely. Truth aptly said. I believe in purity and chastity. I believe that we as believers also need to set the standard for people of the world when it comes to issues about relationships, marriage, sex, etc. We’ve kept mute fpr too long and watched our young folk eat the forbidden fruit, in the name of “following the trend”. We need to silence voices that portray that losing one’s virginity is the trend and the norm. I don’t judge non-virgins, but I believe that if they had known better, they would have acted differently.
Virginity is good, but I pray that God gives us Christians more grace and ability to withstand pressures everywhere. Otherwise, we would just have physical virgins, who are no way intellectual or emotional virgins because they have gone “very far”.
God bless you, Tolu
awesomely great. thank you bro
Very interesting post. Highly commended
Powerful post. Very enlightening. Always love your post cos it’s always real. More grace. Thanks sir
I remember writing something on this line of discussion for my personal consumption a few years ago… Its no longer just black and white; there’s now a lot of shades in between. This is really thoughtful and educative both spiritually and morally. Nice job Tolu
It’s always a delight to read your posts, Tolu, and this is no exception. May God help us to remain pure in this world of depravity. God bless you!
Inspiring and educative.thanks bro
God bless you for this write up….this is just what I needed..
This is a wonderful piece. I had this question in mind some days ago and I am happy that I got to read this. Thank God for His standard…no one can subtract from or add to it; purity of heart is the criteria for seeing Him. I pray that in this dispensation of self acclaimed righteousness, we will be among those certified by God as ‘Pure vessels’ in Jesus Name.
Thanks, Tolu.
Lol…Tolu has hit the nail on the head once more. God bless you a lot
This is deep.Thank you for this piece.
Awesome post, very realistic and relatable ??
Nice nd educating post. Tanks for that.kudos
Very apt and realistic way of handling this topic. I was blessed. Thanks for sharing.
i wont lie ur piece is nice and God bless you for this…..
I believe in purity and chastity. Nice post !
🙂 Thank you
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Yes please, refresh this page, and you’ll see the place to subscribe right after the post 🙂
This piece has really enlightened me… Wow
I was blessed by this post. Thank you
Lol I like this post! Those who have had all the fun except penetration and still keep their hands down. Food for thought indeed.
Awesome