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FINDING ME: Episode 9 (Final episode)

finding me

Episode 8 HERE

I decided it was the right thing to do. If I was going to explore the depths of knowing who God made me be, I would have to let go of my past and face the future with God on my side.
Dad and mum renewed their wedding vows. It was a pleasure watching them renew their vows as they cried like little children. Kingsley sat beside me and we held hands as we watched them exchange vows. The whole family was there. Everyone was happy.
I noticed how withdrawn Kingsley was, though. He didn’t smile much and sometimes, he would give me a really fake smile. I didn’t want to ask what was wrong because I didn’t want him to tell me I was nagging. But then again, he is my boyfriend, asking him wouldn’t hurt.
“What’s wrong baby”? I asked one day as we lay on his cotton bed in his room. We hadn’t made out in a while, and the environment seemed rather tense. I knew something was up, but I couldn’t place a finger on it.
“Nothing, nothing at all, dear…”
“Are you…”
“I said nothing”, he cut in. he looked at me like he was sorry for snapping, but I waved it off and continued to stare at the ceiling, wondering what was wrong. All of a sudden, our conversations had been reduced to mere hellos and chit-chats, no depth, no exchange, nothing. Just surface stuff…
I woke up the next morning in my room, and after praying, I decided to take a walk around the estate. It’s not beans to live in a tush estate you know? 🙂 So I began my walk. All of a sudden I stopped. I remembered the dream, about the chains that held me, and how lonely I felt. I began to wonder if God was saying…
Saying what I didn’t want to hear…
Letting go of someone you love so much is easier said than done. I couldn’t imagine being away from Kingsley, no. Thoughts on how Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son, Isaac came to mind. Abraham didn’t mind giving God his prized possession because he had faith that God would give him another.
But I…. I didn’t have faith that God would send me a man even better than Kingsley. I got scared. What if Kingsley met a better woman and rubbed it in my face? Imagine if I would never meet a man as honest, kind and resourceful as Kingsley? What ifs began to play ludo with my head, and I became weak all of a sudden. I went back into my room and began to sob almost immediately. Why?

Trust Me

I remembered the dream again, and then I knew in a way, I would have to get ready for that.
Kingsley and I met in a restaurant the following month. We were not talking anymore, all of a sudden… and we were not at loggerheads either.
“I got admission to study in Japan”, Kingsley began.
I was elated that he was finally picked to go to Japan for his studies, though I wondered why he would go to Japan of all places, I didn’t ask why.
“That’s amazing, Kingsley”, I replied as I held his hand. He removed it almost immediately, and I was furious again. Why would he keep pushing me away? I was confused, and I didn’t know what to do.
“K, please talk to me…. What is wrong?”
“Anike”, he began as he began to cry. “It’s complicated”.
“Talk to me baby, I really want to hear you”
He looked up and our eyes jammed. I could see the fear in his eyes. I was curious to know what was wrong with him”.
“Babe, I had cancer…”
No wonder he was going to Japan. No wonder he suddenly stopped coming to see me. His hair was falling off, and he lied that he put one yeye activator on it. No wonder he suddenly became scared of touching me.  Little wonder…. No wonder…. He lied about schooling in Japan. Why?
I began to sob under my breath. “Why didn’t you tell me K?” I asked angrily. “You’ve been lying to me…”
“I didn’t want to hurt you, babe. I didn’t want to hurt you…. It was all too much. Mum was suggesting I impregnate a girl, just in case I do not survive” We sobbed for a while as we held hands. I didn’t care if we were in a public place…. didn’t care. Just wanted to cry! I looked at him with so much pity. I became lost for words…
We began to discuss his plans. He said he would go to Japan for chemotherapy and then stay there to heal for a while. He said he loved me and that we were going to work through the distance. I was so excited for him. Going to a new land was definitely going to be exciting. I began to pray that God would see him through the chemo. The night he was leaving, I wailed like a cat. I cried like never before. It was just a pity I couldn’t kiss him in front of his parents (LOL).
His travelling- for me, was the eventual death of what we shared because he never came back.
And that was the beginning of finding myself because I thought I could never live without him… but I see God strengthening me daily, and making me see that He is the only one I will not be able to live without. Kingsley’s death definitely broke my heart. I didn’t think I would find anyone better… but I could see now that the only way I could find myself was by seeing myself through the eyes of Yahweh, and not through the eyes of a guy I had idolized in my heart, or people whose opinions I cared so deeply about…

LA FONTAINE
(THE END)

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Written by Oyinkansola Ige

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STORIES,

FINDING ME: Episode 8

 
finding me
He held me and led me through a dark forest. My heart was beating fast, and I really hoped He could not hear it.
“Anike”, he began as He squeezed my hand. “Why is your heart beating fast?”
“I do not know, Father”
“Are you scared of the dark forest?” He asked as He looked lovingly into my eyes.
I looked at the ugly trees and the bats with their shiny red eyes. The whole forest smelt of demons and dirty stuff. I wanted to puke.
“Yes, Father, I am “, I replied as I looked down. I wasn’t happy that I was scared. I didn’t want to be scared.  Wanted to be as bold as a lion. Like He said I should.
“Anike, you can trust Me, trust Me Anike”
“Father I trust You.”
“Trust me..”
“Father I trust You”
“Trust…”
And He disappeared.
It seemed like a flash when he disappeared.
“Father, where are You?”
No answer.
I turned around, and all I could see was… all I could see was nothing.
“Father”, I screamed again, this time, at the top of my lungs.
Still no answer…
I didn’t know what to do. Refused to cry. “I am strong”, I began to chant as I stood there like a lost puppy.
All of a sudden, I began to hear noises. Noises? Yes, Noises. Dark smoke began to emanate from the floor. I began to wonder what was going on. My heart continued to beat faster. I sensed something evil was about to happen.
All of a sudden, I began to see flashes
Of how I stole Kike’s money as a child.
How I threw Tanimomo’s clothes into the well because I was jealous of her.
Of how I kissed my friend, Yemisi, and how I got into the world of lesbianism in the University.
Of How I lied severally to find my way out of every situation.
How I cheated during exams.
I made out with Kingsley and other guys.
How I compromised severally.
I began to scream. I wondered where all these memories were coming from.
Then Voices began to emerge.
“You Cheat! How can God possibly forgive you?”
“Sinner like you, you liar and cheat… You are going to hell, give up while you have the chance”.
I began to run, hoping that leaving that place would drown the voice. But the place became darker and darker, and the voice became louder and louder…
God can never forgive you. You will never marry a good man. Good men are for women who don’t sleep around
I screamed aloud again. I cried, and I wanted to die. The voices were unbecoming. I became even more afraid. I didn’t know what to do.

Trust Me”

I knew that was Father’s voice, but I looked around… I saw…no one.
All of a sudden, something painful hit me from behind. I passed out immediately.
Five minutes later, I woke up surrounded by people. Kingsley, Taiwo, John, Lanre and Wunmi – the guys I made out with, Kike, Tanimomo, Yemisi, my parents, Joke, my Sunday school teacher…. People who represented my life…who had been in my past… I didn’t understand what was going on. Got up and tried to run, only to realize that my legs were bound to chains held by every single one of them.
I began to sob. I had never felt so alone in my entire life. Didn’t understand why Father left me. All of a sudden, I looked up and saw a man coming. He looked so handsome. His eyes were green and he held a staff in his hand. As he came, everyone bowed to him… except me. He didn’t look like Father… he wasn’t anything close to Father’s Son.
“Won’t you bow to me, you infidel?”
I looked at him, and then I recognized the voice. It was the voice of….he…the deceiver. I became even more afraid, It was as though I could do nothing.

You shall have no other god before me

“I will not bow to you, you are not Father…” I replied angrily.  Angry that Father left me. He said I should ….

Trust Me

The voice was louder than ever, I just knew it…I knew it…that Father had not left me. All of a sudden, I felt an upsurge of power from my bones. I began to scream and speak… As I spoke, the place began to shake, and the deceiver got mad and ran away almost immediately. As he ran, Kingsley and every other person ran with him. I continued to scream for 30 minutes.
When I opened my eyes and Father was standing before me, smiling. I could barely remember what I said, or how I screamed.
“Oh… Fa…”
“Shhh…Shhh… don’t say a thing, my daughter”
“I thought…”
“You thought I left you? I will NEVER leave you, Anike, but you must trust Me on everything…”
He pulled me up and held me close. He kissed my forehead, and I knew I was home with Him.
“Trust Me; I am involved in everything about you. Forget your past, look ahead, trust Me Anike…”
His voice continued to echo, as I began to float in the sky….

AND I WOKE UP….IT WAS ALL A DREAM….

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…to be continued…The final episode

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Episode 7 HERE

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Written by Oyinkansola Ige

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Posting by 3 pm: What do I do if I have been sexually abused? You don’t want to miss it, it might help you or someone you know.

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STORIES,

FINDING ME: Episode 7

finding me
While we watched Scandal, I continued to pray in my spirit that God would take control of things between dad and mum. I sense Joke was doing the same. I believed that God would do it;
He would give them the grace to forgive each other and look beyond the hurt.
Grace to remember their vows.
He would give them the strength to pull through. I strongly believed so.
I couldn’t even concentrate on Scandal anymore. Olivia Pope’s romantic relationship with the President of the United States didn’t seem to me like the ideal relationship. What’s the point- sleeping with someone else’s husband? He would never leave his wife for her…But it seems some people just love adventure and crazy stuff… I do not like drama.
Especially relationship drama…
Suddenly, we heard a knock on the door.
It was mum and dad.
They came in, holding hands. I smiled, while Joke held my hand tightly. They sat on the bed. I was waiting eagerly for them to speak.
“Your mum and I have decided to make it work”
‘Thank You Jesus’ was all I could whisper.
“Yes”, mum said, as she held his hand and smiled. She looked so…happy…and at peace. I was going to cry but I decided not to….
We all then decided to go on a family treat. Dad took us to KFC where we had chicken and chips, along with burger and a cup of coke each. It was amazing, an amazing time with family. I wouldn’t trade it for…
And my phone began to ring. I looked at the caller ID. Kingsley. I excused myself and went into the toilet.
“Baby”, I said with a smile on my face. “You won’t believe…”
“Anike how are you?” He cut in
That was very strange. Over the past six months, we had been cool- with not seeing frequently, and not calling each other almost all the time. We had been cool with “no pressure for commitment”. He never cut in on my conversations with him.
“I’m fine…” I stuttered. “Kingsley, what is wrong?”
“Does something have to be wrong, Anike?”
“No”, I replied. Just want to be sure you are alright”.
 
“I am, Anike, I really am”
I was not exactly happy with the tone. If he was angry or he was having his period (LOL), why did he call me? I was happy here…And he ruined it…

..The joy of the Lord is your strength

..And Deitrick Haddon’s song began to play in my head. I didn’t want to get angry, honestly. I just didn’t like the fact that he would talk to me anyhow and think he could get away with it- without apologizing. He always had an answer to almost everything. Couldn’t he just apologize for once?

Judge not….

I sighed, and went back into the restaurant.
I decided to pay him a visit the next day (unexpectedly).  Got to his house, and then I was told he was not around. I met his dad though. His dad seemed pleased to see me… I wasn’t sure. Anyway, I was almost tempted to call and scream at him. But then again, he had a life…I didn’t. Or rather, he had a life outside me; I had no life outside him. I went back home, feeling dejected and sad.
Later in the evening as I was plaiting mum’s hair, he called me. I smiled; I kind of hoped he would call back, and oops! He did!
“Baby…”
“Anike, why would you drop by the house without letting me know?”
“I…”
“My dad was angry that I would allow a girl come over without his permission. Are you trying to ruin my life? My dad doesn’t like female visitors”, he said ….unreservedly.
“I am sorry”, I replied, ad tears streamed down from my face. “Forgive me; I just wanted to surprise you”.
“That is not good enough, Anike, not good enough. “
“I said I am sorry, Kingsley”, as I cleaned my face. Mum looked worried. I was tired, frankly of the relationship. The issue with me was that I always thought the guy had to do something wrong before a break up could happen. But I… was tired.
Emotionally.
Physically.
I felt choked and pressured to conform all at the same time. Just wanted out, and I sensed he was tired too. I just would have loved him to say so instead of putting my emotions on a roller coaster.
“Its fine, we’ll talk later” He replied like he wanted to get off the phone fast. Like I was irritating the life out of him…
“Okay Bye”, I said, quietly.
“Bye…” he replied, and he hung up.
It had been a while he told me he loved me though. We never used to say “bye” to each other. For us, “byes” were for “endings”…. Was this a sign that the relationship was ending?
I continued plaiting mum’s hair as thoughts began to cross my mind.
“You want to talk about it?” Mum asked.
I sat down, facing her almost immediately.
“Mum, I am tired of the relationship, and I feel bad that I am tired. When things are going worng, I am supposed to stay strong for him, but I want to chicken out instead. I feel like a coward, mum”
“Anike, do you love him?”
I couldn’t reply that question. All of a sudden, I wondered what love really was.
“Mum, I think I do”.
“Why?”
“He loves the Lord. He is ambitious, resourceful, and loyal to a fault, he will never cheat on me, and he loves me too. Just has his moments”
“Anike, it’s possible you love him, and it’s possible you still are tired of the relationship. Relationships have a way of zapping energy; you have to have a powerhouse where you get your energy from. You can’t give what you don’t have my dear”.
“Mum”, I stuttered. “Where is my power house?”
“You power house is in God, Anike. Once your spiritual life is shaky, it affects all other areas of your life. If not being in a relationship for now will put your life in perspective, then so be it, Anike…”
“Mum, I don’t want him to think I do not love him”
Mum smiled. “Even if you love him, he will never know how much, because he cannot read your heart. It is only the ones we love that we know. We can hardly know the ones who love us.”
Mum stood up as she heard dad’s horn. “We’ll continue this chat later baby”, she said as she stroke my hair tenderly. “You owe it to yourself to be satisfied and happy, Anike. If you love Kingsley like you say you do, listen to what he’s not saying. At the same time, be discerning. If Christ comes now, what would be the point of the relationship if either of you goes to hell fire?”
I never saw it that way. I never even thought of hell fire, talkless of…

Anike, do you think of Me?

“I’ll think about it, mum”
“Love is not selfish, baby. You love Kingsley, and that is good. But you will be selfish if all you think about is what he will think of you, or what people will think of you. What does he want…?”
Dad came in almost immediately, and they kissed and went inside- after she winked at me and after dad stroke my hair. I could hear their giggles and small chit-chats. It was good to see them happy.
‘Lord’, I thought to myself. ‘I don’t know what to do’

Seek Me first

I love Kingsley Lord, and …

Love is not self-seeking

I began to really think. Was I being selfish? Was I being self-seeking by holding on to something Kingsley was apparently tired of? I wanted him to initiate the break up, not me… then I remembered mum’s words.

You owe it to yourself to be happy…’

I slumped on the chair and began to weep silently.

* * *

…to be continued, Fri 17th Oct

***

Episode 6 HERE

* * *

Written by Oyinkansola Ige

* * *

Posting by 3pm: What do I do if I have been sexually abused? You don’t want to miss it, it might help you or someone you know.

Thank you for dropping by, hope you’ll leave a comment also 😉 . Do remember to subscribe with your email so as to get every post directly in your email box.

Also checkout this amazing story LITTLE WHITE FLOWERS(part 1-10). It was the most anticipated post here on lifegiva2.com last year

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STORIES,

FINDING ME: Episode 6

finding me
Things became easier when I began praying for dad. I figured that since I couldn’t judge him, and since I couldn’t confront him, I could pray for him. So I wake up every morning at 5 and begin praying for him. I would pray for mum, Joke and I. and then for Kingsley, and other family members.
Kingsley and I began to set boundaries in our relationship. I requested that we stopped being alone in secluded places. He requested that I stopped touching his hair or his moustache as that would turn him on. We decided that he would meet mum in six months, and I would meet his parents after. Things seemed peaceful between us. I was glad Kingsley and I were good.
I got home one evening. Mum had gone to the market, and Joke was not back from GRE classes. Dad’s car was parked outside though. As I opened the gate, I began to have this uneasy feeling. I couldn’t explain it, and so I decided to just say a prayer. I walked into the house and met dad watching television.
“E kurole, daddy”
He didn’t answer, as usual.
I walked past him and was thinking of what to have for dinner.
“Anike”
He called my name. I turned back as he signalled me to sit.
“How old are you now?”
I laughed. “21, dad”
Oh, that’s good. I married your mum when she was 26. We couldn’t conceive till she was 29. Although there were serious complications, we ended up having you.”
I wondered what he was driving at. I was running out of patience already.

love, joy, peace, patience
love, joy, peace, patience

“Anike, I want things to work between your mum and me”
My mouth was open in shock. That didn’t sound like my dad. He was never mushy mushy
“I love your mum, and I know I have messed up. But I want to make things right between your mum and I.”
His eyes were filled with tears now. I wasn’t sure if he was pretending or if he was real. I just sat aloof looking at him and thinking of everything he did to hurt everyone including me.
How he missed my recitals.
He didn’t show up at my first basketball game
He referred to me constantly as “ugly”.
How he tirelessly compared me with Joke.
How he beat mum.
He flogged me whenever I made a little mistake.
How he never tucked us into bed.
How he never showed concern for issues in my life.
Why was he apologizing now? Why now?
I began to cry again. This time I cried because I couldn’t express my anger in a better way. He was never there when I needed him.

I was there…I am here

He called me ugly several times

…Created in My image and likeness…Fearfully and wonderfully made…

I just wanted him to feel pain!!!!

….forgive those who have hurt you…pray for your enemies…

It was just so hard to let go. I held onto the bitterness for so long but deep inside, I knew it was time to let go. I continued to cry as he put his arms around me.
“Anike”, he began as he cleaned my tears. “You are my first seed and the first sign of my manliness. You are my precious pearl. I am sorry I have neglected you. Seeing how God has changed you in the past few months, and I believe God can use you to unite this family in love again…”
I was amazed and shocked at the same time of how God could help me see things about myself that I couldn’t see before, I was amazed I had so much bitterness rooted in me. Thinking I was a free-spirited babe with not a care in the world. Now, I know better. God has shown me, and I am grateful.
We hugged each other again, and we began to discuss my plans for the future almost immediately. We seemed like old friends who had lost contact since forever. Talked till Joke arrived and joined us. When mum got back, she seemed surprised to see dad gisting with us.
“Welcome home, Baby”, he said as he stood up and gave mum a long, hard kiss. At that point, I and Joke decided to genuinely excuse them. We went to my room immediately.
“Do you think they’ll sort things out, Sis?” Joke asked as I tried to switch on my laptop so we could watch Scandal.
I looked at her and smiled.
“God will definitely see us through. He’s too faithful to fail. Even if they don’t, God will always be God but I have absolute faith they will…”
We began watching Scandal.

…to be continued, Wed 15th Oct

***

Episode 5 HERE

* * *

Written by Oyinkansola Ige

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Thank you for dropping by, hope you’ll leave a comment also ;). Do remember to subscribe with your email so as to get every post directly in your email box.

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Also, check out this amazing story LITTLE WHITE FLOWERS(part 1-10). It was the most anticipated post here on lifegiva2.com last year

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Twitter: @tee_Abraham

Facebook: Oludapo Tolulope

Email: admin@lifegiva.com

STORIES,

FINDING ME: Episode 5

finding me
I woke up. Sweating.
My head was aching so badly, and I wondered why I had such a nightmare.
‘Dad cheating on mum with Aunt Beatrice? No!’
I knelt down immediately and prayed. I prayed that God would keep my dad and mum and that God would show Himself in their marriage. After prayers, I began arranging the house. Everyone was still asleep, so I plugged in my earphones, listening to Audrey Assad’s Lament. I knew somehow, I was distracted by the cares of the world, in as much as I wanted to please God. I continued to pray in my silence, asking God to help me through the day.
While I was washing the dishes, I heard the door to the Kitchen open. It was dad alright. I guess he came to take his usual dose of Green Tea.
“Good morning dad”, I said.
The guy didn’t even look at me. He just continued what he was doing. I wondered what was up with him. Then I remembered the dream. Wondering what God was trying to tell me…. I know dreams could be *funny* but I knew there was something God wanted to show me. I knew dad was cheating (based on their last conversation), but I hoped it would be a lie. Right now, it seemed like he was really cheating.
He went back into the room. I wondered why he was quiet.
Until mum came into the kitchen (shocked face)
Her face was bruised. That’s the thing about fair skinned women; you can hardly miss a spot on their face. She seemed shocked to see me in the kitchen (I was hardly awake at this time). She couldn’t turn back, so we just stared at each other for a minute. I ran into her arms and we both began to sob. I heard the kitchen door open again, and from the smell of the perfume, I knew it was Joke. Joke embraced us both and we all began to cry silently.
Dad was beating mum. And mum chose to stay. I didn’t understand why. Was marriage this tough? I know Kingsley seemed all nice and Godly, but would things eventually change when we get married? I got scared of the marriage union and I didn’t hide it. My heart was thumping.
“My daughters, it’s gonna be alright”, she said as she released herself from out embrace. Joke was still crying. I didn’t even know what to say. As the first child, I felt I could go in and talk to dad….but I knew better. My mouth seemed closed anyway….I could barely say a word.
“God, what do we do”? I asked under my breath.
No answer.
I was hoping for an immediate answer…and I didn’t get one.
As mum continued to arrange the shelf, I continued to watch her. Joke asked to leave, she had GRE exams coming up and she had to go for classes. I was so proud of her.
Mum barely said a word. And I wanted to kill dad for making mum go through all this.
“Mum why do you choose to stay with him?”
She seemed shocked that I asked.
“He’s my husband, Anike”. “I made an oath; for better, for worse. I can’t chicken out now, he needs me”, she stuttered.
‘He needs you? He is cheating on you and beating you. What husband does that?’

Judge not, that you will not be judged

That verse of the Bible struck me… deeply. I remember it was Joke who talked to me about it when I told her about some of our female church members who were sleeping around. What does it mean to judge sef?
I wasn’t judging dad, I was just saying the truth. He was a cheat, and he deserved to be punished.

I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy…

“Anike”, mum called. I looked at her as she signalled me to sit. I sat as she made a cup of hot milo for me. She sure knew what I liked. She sat down and put it in front of me.
“Baby, no one is perfect, really… As perfect as some people seem, they struggle with passions and pleasures that seem to have enslaved their souls…Are you listening to me Anike?”
“Yes mum”, I replied as I wondered what she was driving at.
“Daddy is going through some tough times baby. He lost his job”
My mouth was open! In shock. Did he lose his job? I couldn’t even believe it. That KPMG job was practically what sustained the whole family since mum’s job wasn’t bringing in too much money.
“He’s frustrated right now, and … I guess he needs to get himself back together. We all should pray for him”
“Mum, he’s cheating on you”, I said silently.
She didn’t seem surprised that I knew. “Yes, Anike, he is.”
“And you still want to stay?”
“Baby, he’s human like me. He cheats, I complain. You lie, Joke gossips. Aren’t we all the same?? We are all fallen humans baby. We should strive for perfection. The fact that dad is struggling with lust doesn’t make him worse than people who gossip or complain. Sin is sin baby…please don’t judge your dad…” she said as tears began to come down.
I didn’t know what to do. I was confused. The issue of sin became confusing to me. We all sin, but we have been redeemed… so why do we still keep falling into sin’s arms? Everything began to confuse me again.
Mum stared deep into my eyes. I wonder what she was thinking.
“Anike, even if you decide that you will stop lying, do you think you could possibly stop on your own?”
I stared at her, trying to understand.
“Baby, God is MERCY. God is GOOD. We are saved because of who He is, not because of what we do. Just accept His love and drown yourself in it. Nothing you do will ever make you more or less worthy, okay?”
I nodded my head as tears began to fall from my face.
“Mum, I am struggling with lust.”
She looked at me, urging me to go on.
“I want to have sex, mum. The urges are raging in my head, mum. Some days, I imagine myself in the arms of…in the arms of…”
“Anike, its Kingsley, right?”
I began to cry all over again. Mum didn’t move. She just watched me.
“I wish it could all go away. I want to please God. But anytime I make out with him, I feel so unclean, guilty and dirty, mum. How would God even use someone like me, mum?” I continued to cry, and I felt so… terrible that I always seemed to have sexual urges. I felt weak, knowing that I had compromised severally, even as a Christian. What would people think of me? What would God think of me?
“Anike, God loves you”
“I know mum….”
“Anike”, she cut in. “Soak that in.” “He loves you. What do you think love is?” She looked into my eyes. I was shocked at myself. At the fact that…
“I don’t know, mum…” I replied…and I bowed my head on the table.
What is love?

I am love. Drown in me

* * *

…to be continued this Friday

***

Episode 1 HERE

Episode 2 HERE

and Episode 3 HERE

Episode 4 Here

* * *

Written by Oyinkansola Ige

* * *

Thank you for dropping by, hope you’ll leave a comment also 😉 . Do remember to subscribe with your email so as to get every post directly in your email box.

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Also checkout this amazing story LITTLE WHITE FLOWERS(part 1-10). It was the most anticipated post here on lifegiva2.com last year

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Twitter: @tee_Abraham

Facebook: Oludapo Tolulope

Email: mail@lifegiva.com

STORIES,

FINDING ME: Episode 4

finding me
Joke and I began to spend more time together. We began going to a youth church. We even became frequent attenders of bible study on Wednesday. One day, I was studying my Bible when I came across a sentence in my devotional.

You cannot serve two masters at the same time.

It struck me for reasons I did not understand. Of course, God was my only master..
I went to see Kingsley on Saturday. First, let me give you a description of him. He is tall, muscular, well toned and handsome. Seeing him on Saturday, all I wanted to do was to kiss him. I didn’t want anything else. He came out of the house and hugged me. I smiled as he ushered me into his room.
“How are you baby?” I asked as I played with his moustache.
He took my hand away.
I didn’t give up. Everything in me wanted to be with him. How wrong could that get? I moved closer and began to touch him. First his earlobes, then his hands. I could see he wasn’t exactly comfortable, but I didn’t care. I wanted my body to bring him pleasure.
“Arike please stop”
I was taken aback. “Why are you rejecting me? You never used to reject me, K. What’s up?”
He sat up an looked into my eyes.
“Arike, we both know this is wrong”
“But everyone is doing it, K. ”
“We can’t claim to love God and disobey Him, Arike”

You cannot serve two masters at the same time.

The voice was so loud in my spirit, I got the message. My body was my second master. That’s when I realised it. What He was telling me. I had to let go of one master- He or my body.

“I’m sorry, K”, I replied. I could feel tears dripping from my eyes. He was staring at me now. I wanted things to work out between us- better still, I wanted things to work with God on our side. I wanted God to be in support of our relationship.
“Arike”, he began . ” You know that I love you. Lately I have been seeing God in a new light. And I want you to share the experience with me. I believe with Him, everything about our lives will change. Our motives will bow to Him..”
“Baby, I gave my life to Christ last week”
He looked at me in disbelief. “Really? Oh Praise God”, he screamed as he hugged me tight.
We continued talking about our experiences till evening, and then we decided we would meet up again to discuss boundaries in our relationship.
On getting home, the door was open. Which was strange to me, as mum would always carefully lock the door before leaving the house. Dad’s car was outside so I guessed he was home.
I went into my room and prayed, thanking God for making my talk with K a success. So happy we were not breaking up. I was happy he said he was in love with me. As I prayed, I began to hear strange noises.
I got up and I tried to tune my ears to the voices I was hearing. I couldn’t decipher it. Noises, Voices, I couldn’t place it. As I walked closer to daddy’s room, the voices became louder. I smiled.
‘Its possible dad and mum have made up’. I turned around to leave only to hear their conversations.
” You just know how to make me proud sha”..
Then I heard giggles.
“I love you, you naughty boy”
That didn’t sound like mum in any way. I got angry and opened the door immediately.
It was dad alright. He was in the arms of a woman- who was not mum. It was mum’s sunday school instructor, Sister Beatrice.
The heart of man is desperately wicked, who can know it?
I remembered that bible verse. We studied it during bible study last week.
I didn’t know what to do. I ran out immediately, as I heard dad shouting my name. The lady didn’t say anything, at least I didn’t hear her voice. I took a bike straight to the church. It was almost at the church when the bike man became careless. I think he was drunk. That got me scared and I began to plead the blood of Jesus over myself. The bike went off the road into a bush. The motorcycle hit a tree.
And there was a black out.

***

to be continued, Wednesday 8th Oct

Episode 1 HERE

And Episode 2 HERE

Episode 3 HERE

* * *

Written by Oyinkansola Ige

* * *

Thank you for dropping by, hope you’ll leave a comment also 😉 . Do remember to subscribe with your email so as to get every post directly in your email box.

Yours,

Tee Abraham

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STORIES,

FINDING ME : Episode 3

finding meI sat upright on my bed throughout the night. First, it seemed like a dream that dad was cheating on mum. Even if he seemed a bit distant, I didn’t believe he would cheat. As I sat and wondered what and how things happened and got so bad, a text message came in from Kingsley.

I see that we need to focus on God in our relationship. We need to get it right with God. I think we got a little bit out of line. I think we should step back and access this relationship”

First, I was confused. What was he trying to say? Was he trying to say he was no longer interested? Or was he trying to tell me that we should not have made out and all? Not like he ever complained when we kissed and all… or was he saying I was a distraction to his spiritual life? I and Kingsley talked about God whenever we could….

Now I could relate…

The uneasiness I would feel anytime we made out…was that the issue?

I wasn’t sure if I should call him, but then again, I had nothing to lose. So I decided to call him.

“Hello…”

He sounded so cold. I was getting sad already. Now wasn’t the time I needed any form of drama.

“Kingsley how are you?”

“Cool, You?”

Tears were in my eyes already. I had a feeling he was tired of the relationship. So was I. But I wanted it to work with him. He understood me. He loved God, and I knew he would take care of me and never cheat on me. I didn’t want to leave him, but somehow, I felt it was time to let go and focus on myself.

Come to Me

If the voice was ever more appealing, it was now.
“Kingsley, I don’t understand what you sent to me…”
“Is English that hard to understand?” he cut in. he sounded…caustic and rude. Immediately I cut the phone on him. I began to cry. I wanted it to work with him. Why was it so hard?

My will, not yours

I decided to call him back again.

“Kingsley… please could you explain what you meant?”

“Anike, we need to step aside and analyze where this relationship is headed”

After kissing me and using me to satisfy his sexual pleasures, he dared to tell me this? WasI that irritating to him? I was raving mad and my head was spinning already. First, I lost a role, then my mum had a miscarriage, dad was cheating on her, my sister was so pesty, and now… Kingsley…

It just didn’t make any sense.

“Did I do anything wrong?”

“We need to step back and…”

Kingsley, you can’t always be right!” I snapped angrily
He became overly defensive, as usual. “Everyone has been hinting that, Anike please just let it go.” He began to talk about how he was reading a book and how he felt convicted by the Holy Spirit. He said he didn’t want things to go so wrong before he realized he had to get back in tune with God.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later” and I hung up the phone before he could even respond.

You know … it’s bad enough that a guy wants to break up. But it’s worse when he can’t just be a man and come out clean with what he wants…. If anyone was going to end it, it had to be me. But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to.

Talk to Me

As the tears continued to drip, I knelt down. Memories of how I and Kingsley met and the promises we made to each other began to replay and my sobs became even heavier. I remembered when he told me I was the only girl he wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

‘I should never have kissed him, God. Should never have allowed him touch me. Should have been more discerning. I feel like it is my entire fault.’

Then I began to talk out loud to God. Began to tell him how I felt- insecure, used and trashed. I began to tell him how much I loved sex, and how I felt that making out could replace the real deal since I didn’t want to lose my virginity till marriage. Began to cry, because I felt people would say it was my fault that he left- because he’s a good guy and I am …. a babe with issues. I continued to cry until I slept off.

I woke up to a knock on my door. Thought it was mum, so I rushed to the bathroom to rinse my face. On coming out, I saw it was Joke. She had never come to my room before.

“Joke, what’s up?”

She looked at me with tears in her eyes.

“Dad and mum, right?” I asked as I smiled sheepishly.
I sat beside her and hugged her. We cried and cried and cried. I cried because I never ever thought that the issues happening at home could bring I and Joke together. In my mind, I wondered why it took her so long to see that I was in no competition with her.

“Anike, let’s pray for them”, Joke said. I was surprised she brought up prayer. Of course, I knew she enjoyed going for bible studies in school and all, but I didn’t think Joke was a prayer-person. Infact, I didn’t think she was a Christian.

God will not hear you two pretenders. You sinners. You liars and fighters

My heart skipped a beat. I knew that was not the usual Voice.

You better don’t waste your time praying, it probably will not pass the ceiling

I began to cry more. Joke looked at me, like she didn’t understand why my sobs were so heavy. She stretched out her hands and we began to pray.
“Dear God, help our family”
I continued to cry as Joke quoted scripture and asked God on our behalf. Suddenly, I felt a void in my very soul, like I needed to get in tune with God. I realized He was the voice I had been hearing, and I wanted more, even if He didn’t seem real like I hoped He would.
“Joke”
She looked at me, wondering what I was about to say.
“I want to know this God”
She smiled and hugged me again. As we prayed the prayer of salvation, asking God to come into my life and take full control, I felt the strangest kind of peace and joy. Not like it was obvious, but there was that knowing that He had accepted me.
And that was where “finding me” began.

…to be continued, Friday 3rd

***

Episode 1 HERE

Episode 2 HERE

* * *

Written by Oyinkansola Ige

* * *

Thank you for dropping by, hope you’ll leave a comment also 😉 . Do remember to subscribe with your email so as to get every post directly in your email box.

Yours,

Tee Abraham

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Do you know that you can SHARE YOUR STORY(S) AND EXPERIENCES, ASK FOR READERS OPINION ON ISSUES, HOST A DISCUSSION, ADVERTIZE…here on lifegiva2.com

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STORIES,

FINDING ME : EPISODE 2

finding me

Read Episode 1 HERE

I stood and I began to feel my legs wobble. If the judges could see me for real, they would see that my legs were shaking underneath. I had blown away the minds of judges at other auditions (modelling, acting, you name it). They were always amazed at my talents and my beauty. Why this was different puzzled me.
The judges watched me closely. I could feel their eyes on me and I wanted to enter the ground. My world was crumbling before my very eyes.
And still I couldn’t do anything.
“Young lady. Are you going to …”
And that was when I felt warm down there. In between my thighs. Hot liquid. Down to my legs and then the floor. And I passed out.
I woke up to the smell of a hospital ward. Spirit, drugs, iodine and all sorts. I opened my eyes and saw mum looking into my eyes lovingly. I tried to sit up but I felt a sharp pain on my waist.
“Baby please lay still”
The memories came back again. The judges. My legs. The urine. I was so blank
The doctor came in almost immediately. She seemed friendly. Her smile made me want to smile but I refused to smile. Did I have kidney failure or what? Or was I pregnant? I only made out with Kingsley… We never went that far. Or did I have malaria? How a grown lady like me could pee on herself in broad daylight was…
“Anike” the doctor called softly as she touched my forehead. “How do you feel now?”
The tears were coming down now. “Fine” And I faced the wall. I was so angry with… With everything and everyone, including myself…
The doctor smiled and faced mum. ” Madam, your daughter is fine. She suffered severe shock. Maybe she was exposed to something or a situation entirely alien to her”. Mum looked at me, and I could see tears in her eyes. Mum felt my pain, and that made me feel a little better.
“She’ll be fine”, the doctor said.
I was discharged that evening. Mum and I began the journey home in her red volvo. She seemed worried, but she didn’t say a word. We got to Iyana Ipaja and as usual, the traffic was out of this world.
“Mum”
“Yes, baby”
I looked at her expecting her to ask me what was wrong. But her gaze was so reassuring…I had to bare out my mind to her.
“God hates me mum”
She was silent. I sense she was disappointed in my utterances. Mum had always talked about the Lord in ways I could never understand. He seemed so real to her…and He seemed so distant from me…
“Why did I pass out mum? This was going to be my lucky break mum. I was going to be a superstar. Is God not interested in how I feel? All my friends will make fun of me, and …amd.. Kingsley…”
“Who is Kingsley?” Mum asked
“A friend, mum”
She smiled. This smile that had an undertone of “why the lies?” I couldn’t bare to tell her about Kingsley, at least not yet. Really wanted to be sure of him before bringing him home. I remember the last time I saw Kingsley. We were in his room, kissing and all that. He seemed satisfied but I was so empty. I felt… Empty and dead as he fondled my nipples and groaned in ecstasy. He seemed happy, I felt dead. As he looked into my eyes and smiled. I smiled back, not because I was joyful, but because I didn’t want him thinking he wasn’t giving me pleasure or satisfying me. Just couldn’t explain the uneasiness I felt…
I kept quiet as mum continued driving. She still did not say a word. I only hoped she wasn’t upset with me. We got into the house and Joke smiled mischievously as always.
“How did the audition go, superstar?” She asked in a sarcastic tone. “I’m sure you tore the place apart. Atole (someone who bedwets). I began to cry helplessly.
“I hate you Joke. Infact, I hate my life” I shouted angrily as I raced upstairs. Mum looked lost. Joke looked happy that I was sad. I have been tempted to wonder if we came from the same womb. Sitting on my bed. I could feel my eyes swelling. I needed to talk to someone

         Talk to me.

That voice again. I didn’t need that. Thoughts of Kingsley came almost immediately. I decided to rush over to his place to see him. I wore my pink shirt and a black pair of pants and rushed downstairs. Mum was sitting aloof, while Joke had gone to her room… I could hear her blasting Beyonce’s “drunk in love”…. I could make her drink to death if I could. Mum looked so sad. I was tempted to say something to her…but I didn’t want to.
“Mum, I want to go and see a friend”
Mum looked at the time.
“Baby its….”
Dad walked in almost immediately. It was very unusual of him to be back from work this early. Yeah, 7:00pm was quite early. He came into the sitting room and sat down without saying a word to either of us. Why is everyone in this house depressed? I asked myself.
“Mum, I am on my way…”
“To where?” Dad asked. He turned around immediately and looked at me… Expressionless.
“I need to see a friend, dad”
“At this time?” He looked at me and then cast an accusing glance at mum. Mum said nothing. I wonder what was eating her up.
“Dad its…”
“Anike, to your room now!” He ordered. I knew better than to talk back. The last time I talked back to dad, my face ended up swollen for days…. And he never apologized. I shrugged my shoulders and went back to my room.
I sat down and tried calling Kingsley. My credit had been exhausted and my BIS subscription had expired a day before. I was surprised he didn’t even call. His international certification exams were coming up. I wanted to be understanding, oh! I wanted to be… But I wanted to hear his voice.

            Talk to Me

I got angry. I didn’t want to talk to… Talk to the voice. I just wanted to talk to Kingsley. I waited. He didn’t call. And I slept off.
I woke up in the midnight to hear screams. I tiptoed outside and overheard mum and dad argue…
“Shola, what has your God done for you so far?”
“Akin, God is faithful”
“Oh, shut up, woman. You lost our baby. My baby boy! What carelessness”
I put my hands over my mouth. Was Mum pregnant? Now it was all making sense. The regular drowsiness in the mornings and her mood swings… I could never have guessed…
“It wasn’t my fault,” Mum replied softly. I’ve just been..”
“You are an empty woman. You decided to give me two useless girls. No man to call my own…and what’s making you so depressed? Well not having a son is….”
“Akin, you are cheating on me” she cut in. She said it like the words were hard to bring out… I guess it had been eating her up for a while. Dad? Cheat? No!
There was silence. I heard dad bang the door. Then I heard mum’s soft sobs. I felt a painful throb in my heart and I tiptoed immediately to my room… And all I could do was cry…..

                        Talk to Me

to be continued, Wed, 1 Oct

* * *

Written by Oyinkansola Ige

* * *

Thank you for dropping by, hope you’ll leave a comment also ;). Do remember to subscribe with your email so as to get every post directly in your email box.

Yours,

Tee Abraham

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Will you be in Lagos this sunday?

This Sunday at Celebration Church, @Ikeja City Mall, Silverbird Cinema, Hall 5, 9:00am

This Sunday at Celebration Church, @Ikeja City Mall, Silverbird Cinema, Hall 5, 9:00am

STORIES,

FINDING ME: EPISODE 1

Voices. Here and there. Anike goes through life each day fighting voices that tell her who she is and who she is not. She reaches crossroads and begins to see that she is losing herself to the cares all around her. Will she go through this is one piece and realise who she truly is?

STORIES,

MUDDLED AFFAIR – EPISODE SEVEN

A past so deep haunts Jadesola. Sim runs in the shadows of who she thinks she is. The two sisters run the same path, yet never meet at any point- until the cross. Muddled Affairs shows that it is at the cross that every failure, every pain, every shame is taken away and replaced with a newness of heart. Some days, it is the ones we love that hurt us. What we do is to take it to the cross and leave it there.

Jadesola woke up that morning. She was so eager to see Lekan. He had just come back from the states and they had begun a secret affair online. They had started the relationship on Facebook and they would send nudes to each other on whatsapp. She knew it was wrong. At sixteen, she wasn’t even supposed to be in a relationship, talk less of sending nudes to a guy who was more like a family member. Her mum would kill her, considering the fact that her mum had low opinions on love and dating. Maybe because she and dad split up…

She had her bath, and all she could imagine was she in Lekan’s arms throughout the day, reading him a book and having lunch in his beautiful apartment. He was such a gentleman, and everything she wanted in a man. She got out and began to dress up when her mum walked into her room.

“I need you to stay home with Simi today”, she said, rather authoritatively.

“Mum, I am going out…”

“To where?”, mum asked, looking shocked that Jade could even think of going out .

“Lekan is back ma, I want to go and see him ma”, Jade replied as she wore her shoes. She was wearing a pink gown with blue frails all over.

“Hmmm. Jadesola, the idea of you going to a guy’s house alone doesn’t augur well with me…”

“I’ll be fine mum, I am grown”.

She carried her bag and left the room immediately. It was obvious that the relationship she had with her mum was faulty. They hardly saw eye to eye on any issue and they avoided each other like plagues. Maybe it was because Jadesola’s biological mum died while giving birth to her, and she somehow became her mum’s new first daughter when her dad remarried.

Jadesola walked briskly to the bus stop, as a bus approached her.

“Challenge!!!! Challenge”

She entered the bus and the bus continued to move.  All she could think of was Lekan. She remembered his words as clear as day.

‘You are my missing piece…”

“Awelewa. Your beauty strikes me like the thunder bolt of Greece”

“I cannot wait to hold you in my arms, finally”

“When I am with you, time ceases to pass”

‘No one else completes me like you do…’

‘When I think of you, joy fills my soul…’

And those words serenaded Jadesola’s thoughts as they approached his bus stop. She had a strange feeling that she should go back, but she yearned to see him. Besides, what is the harm in visiting a guy? He’s my boyfriend. Everyone does it.

She knocked on his door after spending fifteen minutes walking to his house from the bus stop. He opened the door and smiled so widely.

“Jade baby”

He took her in his arms and they kissed passionately as they entered the small house together. Her heart began to beat faster because somehow, she felt awkward kissing him, and she pulled him away slowly.

“What is it?” Lekan asked, as he removed his trousers. She got scared and carried her bag and wanted to leave, seeing Lekan seemed to be in the “mood”. He dragged her back violently, hurting her head as he brought her to himself. “Isn’t this what you want, Jade?”

“No…no”, Jade replied as tears began to fall from her eyes. “Not like this, please”, she whimpered as he pushed her on the chair. Because of her tiny frame he seemed to overpower her, she couldn’t even breathe.

“Lekan, you’re hurting me…please…allow me give it to you on a platter”, she said as he held her hands. His eyes were suddenly red, and it seemed like he had made up his mind to do this a long time ago.

“It’s too late”, he replied as removed her pant with such violence. Her gown was soaked in her tears. Her pride was being violated by a man she called “lover”. All of a sudden, she felt “naked and ashamed” as she felt his male organ touch her thighs.

Jade began to scream as she felt him inside her, pounding violently. Her body shook in fright as she couldn’t believe this was happening to her. The man she loved was hell bent on hurting her. As he continued to swerve around and gasp for breath, she cried silently. Somehow, words failed her. And worse still, no one could hear her scream. She felt…alone…again.

And she thought the worst had happened.

The worst hadn’t happened until she noticed that she missed her period for August.

She didn’t think it was such a big deal, until she didn’t see it in September. She got scared, considering the fact that she knew that there was a possibility that she was carrying Lekan’s violent seed in her. She stopped eating much. She decided to go to the family doctor for a test. And there. It was confirmed.

“You are what?”

Jadesola’s mum paced around the living room, not knowing what to make of Jadesola’s news. “Pregnant for who?” she asked.

“Lekan…”

“Ha… I warned you against that boy didn’t I? I heard he travelled back last week..”

‘God will punish you Lekan, and may everything you lay your hands on cease to prosper’, Jadesola muttered under her breath as she cried heavily.

“What do we do now, ehn Jade? School is to resume next week, and you can’t afford to start your university degree thinking of a baby oh”

Jadesola began to cry more as her mum dragged her close and hugged her.

“Hush , hush,” she replied. “It’s going to be alright”, she added. “We can do something about this”, she concluded as she dragged Jade up and hugged her closely.

The next day, her mum made her some swiss chocolate. “This will make you feel better dear, rest okay? Simi is with Aunty Bimpe”.

Jadesola drank the chocolate, and the next thing….she woke up feeling pains all over her abdomen. She was bleeding profusely and she saw the family doctor looking worried, frantically searching for something.

“My…my baby”, Jadesola whispered.

“Lanre, why is she still bleeding? You’ve removed the baby now…”

“There must have been an error somewhere, calm down so I can think”

As her pride was violently taken by the one she called” lover”, her baby was forcefully and subtly killed by the one she called “mother”.

And that was the very genesis of her bareness, because for some careless reason from the doctor, her womb got damaged. The doctor had his grandchildren while she….prayed for a miracle.

TO BE CONTINUED

CLICK ME TO READ EPISODE 1 – 7

Written by; Oyinkansola Ige

I am sure it has been a great journey following this story, will there be a continuation? Do you think there should be? Let’s know what you think of the story, and a word to the author would be appreciated. 

Other stories by Oyinkansola

Shadows (Episodes 1-10)
Finding Me (Episode 1-9)

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